Against All Odds
by X-DarkEyes-X
Summary: One shot Songfic. Phils thoughts on his break up with Sam. Written to 'Against All Odds' by Mariah Carey


_How can I just let you walk away_

_Just let you leave without a trace_

_When I stand here taking_

_Every breath with you_

_You're the only one_

_Who really knew me at all_

My brain seems to be working slow. I stand here, watching you walk away, unable to comprehend what has just happened. Your words seem to float around inside my head, unable to register. I dread the moment thy do because I know the pain I feel will be overwhelming.

_How can you just walk away from me_

_When all I can do is watch you leave_

_Cause we've shared the laughter and the pain_

_And even shared the tears_

_You're the only one_

_Who really knew me at all_

I know I'm attracting stares as I stand here, eyes fixed on the stairs, hoping against hope you'll reappear and fall into my arms telling me you made a mistake and that you love me too but I know its all in vain. Tears threaten to overspill as I picure you in my head. I think about our last kiss, our last hug. I didn't want to let you go. I wanted to savour that moment, firmly implant it in my memory so I never lose it. You pulled away from me but still I held on, not wanting to let your tiny body go. You put your hands on my arms and pushed me away from you then walked down the stairs, out of the station...out of my life.

_So take a look at me now_

_Cause theres just an empty space_

_And theres nothing left to remind me_

_Just the memory of your face_

I feel empty as I take my place behind my desk in CID. I feel like a part of me went with you when you left but I know it wasn't my heart. I can still feel that inside me. Broken. Split in two with a dull ache that will never truly leave me until I hear those three little words that I so desperately desire from you: I love you.

_So take a look at me now_

_Cause theres just an empty space_

_And you coming back to me is against all odds_

_And thats what I've got to face_

It's my own fault you left in the first place. You were scared I'd cheat on you like I did with the other women. You see yourself as just another fling on my long list but I see you as so much more. To me, you are worth more than all those women put together. None of them can make my heart skip a beat just by entering a room. None of them can make my legs turn to jelly with a single smile. Thats what makes you so special. You have complete control over me.

_I wish I could just make you turn around_

_Turn around and see me cry_

_Theres so much I need to say to you_

_So many reasons why_

_You're the only one who really knew me at all_

The time seems to go by so slowly. Each second feels like an eternity. I wonder if this is what my life will be like from now on, ticking by ever so slowly. Always anticipating the next time I'll see your beautiful face and gorgeous, golden hair but knowing I can never again stroke your soft, rosy cheeks or kiss your red, luscious lips. My mind wanders back to last night when we were lying in bed together. You were asleep with your head resting on my chest and your arm draped over me. I wrapped my arms around you protectively and held you close, whispering in your ear that I was never going to let you go and here I am less than twenty four hours later...broken my promise already.

_So take a look at me now_

_Cause there's just an empty space_

_And there's nothing left to remind me_

_Just the memory of your face_

Each time I look up at your desk, a fresh wave of sadness washes over me as I think of my pain, my overwhelming sense of loss. Your desk is empty...empty like my soul. I have to get out of this building. Everywhere I look I see a reminder of you. By the coffee machine where we shared a kiss, the little space on my desk that I always keep clear because you like to perch there on the edge when we chat...out through the doors where you said goodbye.

_So take a look at me now_

_There's just an empty space_

_But to wait for you is all I can do_

_Thats what I've got to face_

I disappear down the stairs like you did so many hours before. Drying my tears, just like you did. Feeling an incredible sense of loss which I know you probably didn't. I walk along the same corridor you did, out the same doors and into the same car park. My thoughts are totally consumed by you. There's no way I can survive the next three weeks if every day is going to be like this one. I wonder if you were still crying when you reached this point, standing just outside the double doors, trying to remember where you parked your car. "Probably not" I answer myself. If you loved me as much as I love you, you would have never have said goodbye in the first place.

_Take a look at me now_

_Cause I'll be standing here_

_And you coming back to me is against all odds_

_Thats what I've got to take_

_Take a look at me now_

I'm a broken man. I don't want to do anything but lie on the sofa and sleep because in my dreams we can still be together. I sit down, switch on the television and flick through the channels, looking for something to capture my attention. My attention is caught, but not by the TV. By a photo on the table, of me and the woman who has completely consumed my thoughts all day, taken a few months back. We both look so happy together. I wonder vaguely if I'll ever be that happy again. I feel myself breaking down as I pick the photo up and hug it to my chest, sobbing uncontrollably. Your face is positioned directly over my heart. It makes me feel close to you.

There is a knock on the door but I don't want to be seen like this so I ignore it, hoping whoever it is will leave soon. The knocking sounds again and still I ignore it. The third time it sounds more urgent and I go to answer it, to get some peace if nothing else but as I near the door my stomach flips and my heart feels like its going to burst right out of my chest. I'd recognise that blonde hair anywhere. I open the door to reveal you stood on the doorstep, your face just as tear stained as mine.

"Ive made a mistake" you cry. "Can I come in?"

I smile at you

Like you need to ask...


End file.
